But If Not…

Help me to pray,
“But if not…”
In my struggles,
Overwrought,
A depth of faith
“In our God…”
Who can deliver us
And our feet, shod
With the gospel
Of his peace:
A trust in him
That will not cease.

Help me to pray,
“But if not…”
When prayers unanswered
Draw my thought
To fear, “O king…”
Of whatever form
And I panic
Within the storm.
Deeply sleeps
My King, my Lord,
In the tumult,
Seems safe aboard.

Help me to pray,
“But if not…”
When I feel
I am forgot.
When my heart
Demands from you
My deep desires
Of what you should do.
You have been
And always will
Be my comfort,
My soul to still.

Help me to pray,
“But if not…”
When all is lost
And hope is shot.
My love for you
Does not depend
On what I see
Or comprehend
Of how you comply
To my fallible will.
So be my comfort
And my soul to still.

Help me to pray,
“But if not…”

Written as I began to transition from praying for healing to preparing for the death of my wife on Wednesday 4th July 2018.